I learned I am powerless to change others, or situations as much as I want to be able to fix things and work at it. I learned I had to be kinder and gentler with myself first. As I discovered the work of Kristen Neff and Chris Germer and experienced Mindful Self-Compassion I was able to open up to this wish of harmony again. Virginia said “Peace within, Peace Between and Peace Among.” I have experienced this with Mindful Self-Compassion; as we discover our own compassionate self we can have more peace within, which will bring about peace between and among others.

As you are reading this – take a moment to notice how your body is responding. Notice your breath… Notice the sensations of breathing in… and breathing out. Coming into this moment – What do you really need? We often look at what we want. When I have this… I will be happy. The suffering felt when we are not able to be where we are and want to be somewhere else.

This can be viewed as a moment of struggle or suffering. Not being able to be with what “is”, right now: always wanting things to be different. What if we could recognize that other human beings, like us, have had at one time or another had a similar experience of wanting more, waiting for someone or something to make us happy or content? We are not alone. It is part of the human condition. We can be connected in this common experience of suffering or struggle. And what if in this moment of suffering we were able to be kind with rather than criticize ourselves for not being somewhere else or not feeling something else? This is Mindful Self-Compassion; the act of noticing first that we are struggling or suffering, remembering that we are not alone, others have experienced this as well and then treating ourselves as we might treat a friend who was struggling in the same way.

Once again, I invite you to notice what you are experiencing now. Do you notice any thoughts, beliefs, feelings, body sensations? Is it possible that these parts of yourselves that hold these thoughts, beliefs or feelings are what keep you from feeling OK? Consider taking the Mindful Self-Compassion course described below.

The three key components of self-compassion are self-kindness, a sense of common humanity, and balanced, mindful awareness. Kindness opens our hearts to suffering, so we can give ourselves what we need. Common humanity opens us to our essential interrelatedness, so that we know we aren’t alone. Mindfulness opens us to the present moment, so we can accept our experience with greater ease. Together they comprise a state of warm-hearted, connected presence.

Self-compassion can be learned by anyone, even those who didn’t receive enough affection in childhood or who feel uncomfortable when they are good to themselves. It’s a courageous attitude that stands up to harm, including the harm that we unwittingly inflict on ourselves through self-criticism, self-isolation, or self-absorption. Self-compassion provides emotional strength and resilience, allowing us to admit our shortcomings, motivate ourselves with kindness, forgive ourselves when needed, relate wholeheartedly to others, and be more authentically ourselves.

Rapidly expanding research demonstrates that self-compassion is strongly associated with emotional wellbeing, less anxiety, depression and stress, maintenance of healthy habits such as diet and exercise, and satisfying personal relationships. And it’s easier than you think.